There is no sick aunt, is there?
by Prankoholic
Summary: If there is no sick aunt, then could he be a gasp werewolf? But how can James, Sirius & Peter be sure? By testing their friend of course! Includes Peter in a goldylock wig.
1. Dragonpox

FM fic, Chap1: There's No Sick Aunt, Is There?

It was a lovely Friday afternoon, and the 12 yearold boys James, Sirius, Remus and Peter ignored Proffesor Binns' historical tales and whispered to eachother instead.  
"Hogsmeade visit tomorrow, who's joining me under the cloak?" said James.  
"But we're too young to go." said Peter and got his head smacked by Sirius.  
"The cloak isn't there to keep us warm, you twat. It's an invisibility cloak!"  
"But if someone sees out..."  
"You're coming too, right Remus?" said James, ignoring Peter.  
"Love to but can't." Remus replied, taking notes.  
Sirius rolled his eyes. "'Cause your aunt is sick. You're so whipped, you know that?"  
"You really should stand up for yourself!" James agreed. "Doesn't your aunt understand that you have school to think of?"  
"It's weekend now so it's allright. And besides, she's my favourite aunt and who know's for how much longer she's gonna...live." Remus faked his voice to break off and tried to conjure some tears as well.  
"She's...dying?" Peter asked, his eyes filled with water. Remus nodded.  
"So you see, I have to go, or I could never live with myself."  
"But you usually never leave until it's getting dark!" said Sirius.  
"It's winter now, it gets darker earlier." Remus explained. "Not that the sun's position has anything to do with it."

The very next day. About the time when James, Sirius and Peter where back from their trip to Hogsmead, Remus had already left.  
They went up to their dorm, dumped their shopping bags on their bed, along with themselves.  
"I'm so broke now." James complained.  
"Yeah, but those mirrors will be very useful! Now I won't have to go to the bathroom everytime I wanna look at my face." said Sirius and held his mirror in front of him.  
James took out his mirror as well, and tried to flatten his untidy hair.  
"Why is your hair so great, Sirius?" he said and looked dissatisfied with himself. But then his reflection changed. "That's more like it! But what happened to my glasses?"  
"Wow, this is soo cool!" said Sirius in James' mirror. James threw the mirror away from him out of shock.  
"What are mirrors like these doing in a Beauty Parlour? They belong in Zonko's!" said James when he had calmed down and picked up his mirror from the floor.  
"Can I try it?" Peter asked and borrowed James' mirror.  
"Hi, Petey!" said Sirius cheerfully. "I can see the insides of your nose!"  
"Lemme see!" said James and snatched Sirius's mirror. "Yoinc!"  
"Hey, I was counting hairs!"  
Peter didn't want to have the inside of his nose commented by James and Sirius, so he put the mirror away.  
The room got silence now when there were no nosehairs to count.  
"So, what are the plans for this weekend?" Sirius asked.  
James shrugged. "Hey, you know what we could do?" he suddenly asked.  
"Lend one mirror to Snivellus and measure his adenoids?" said Sirius hopefully.  
James stared and Sirius. "Hey yeah, we must do that! But that was not my idea. I thought that maybe we could visit Remus' aunt!"  
"We don't know where she lives." said Peter.  
"I'm sure Remus has an addressbook somewhere."  
They searched among Remus' things and found a green little book with addresses and phone numbers. They went to the L section, assuming her last name would be Lupin.  
"Maybe it's his maternal aunt, then her surname probably won't be Lupin." said Sirius.  
James tried the A section. "Here she is, Aunt Augusta."  
"She sounds old." Sirius pointed out.  
"Maybe she is. And she lives in Maryhill Road, Glasgow. Not far from here." James said knowingly and closed the little address book.  
"How are we gonna get there?" Peter asked.  
James didn't have an answer to that question.  
"Why don't we contact his mom, she can probably help us." Sirius suggested. "We'll use the fire downstairs."

Down in the commonroom, James threw some Floo Powder into the fire and put his head in the flames along with Sirius and Peter, after muttering mrs Lupin's address.  
An empty livingroom appeared before their eyes.  
"Maybe we should call her." Sirius suggested.  
"Um...Hello? Anybody home?" James shouted.  
They heard footsteps approaching and a brownhaired woman in he thirties bent over before them.  
"Hello there, how can I help you boys?" she said smiling.  
"Hi mrs Lupin." said James. "We just wondered if you have the address to Remus' aunt, Augusta? Because he's there right now and we thought that maybe we could pay a surprise visit to both of them."  
At first, mrs Lupin looked puzzled but it didn't take her long time to figure out what it was about.  
"I'm sorry, but I can't help you there. Aunt Augusta is very sick and doesn't like to have more than one person in her house at one time." she lied.  
James exchanged looks with the heads of his friends.  
"Uh, why is that?"  
"She's very asocial. Always have been. I'm really sorry, but I have bread in the oven so I really must go now."  
"Ok, thanks anyway." said James.  
"Bye." said Sirius and Peter.  
They pulled their heads out of the fire and went back to the dormitory. All of them sat down on their beds.  
"So I guess that means we won't visit them." said Peter.  
"We don't have to go inside." said James. "I'm sure his aunt will allow him to go out a few seconds."  
"If there really is an aunt." said Sirius thoughtfully.  
"Why wouldn't there be an aunt?" James asked.  
"I know liars when I see one." said Sirius. "I invented lying, I made it a sin. I think we should go there anyway, we don't even have to come inside, like you said James."  
"What makes you think they're lying? That sick aunt has existed since we started this school, why suspect something now?" Peter asked.  
"Because I'm bored and I wanna go somewhere. Maryhill Road, was it? Let's go then!"  
Sirius left the dorm with James and Peter tailing after him. He stepped inside the fire, said 'Maryhill Road, Glasgow." with a clear voice and disappeared after emptying Floo Powder out of his hand. James and Peter repeated this, and they all found themselves outside in a livingroom again, but this one had people in it. Two old ladies interrupted their knitting and stared at the intuders.  
"Hi." said James.  
"We'll find our way out, sorry we interrupted." said Sirius  
They walked towards the door but turned around when Peter didn't follow them.  
"What are you doing!" said James.  
"There's a picture of Remus' mother here." Peter stuttered and pointed at a frame that stood on the mantelpice. James and Sirius went back to the fireplace to get a closer look at it.  
"Hey, who's this woman?" James asked the old ladies.  
"That's my daughter!" said one of them, not believing how rude some could be.  
"Then you must know Augusta!" said Sirius eagerly.  
"Yes, my other daughter, why?"  
"Could you tell us where she lives, please?" James pleaded, trying to sound polite and trustable. "We are friends of your grandson who is visiting her right now and we thought we'd visit them too!"  
"We're from Hogwarts, you see. No insane nutcases or anything like that. We're nice people." Sirius assured her.  
"Since when did Remus visit Augusta?" asked the grandmother.  
"He has as long as we've known him." said Peter.  
"Hm, no one ever tells me anything."  
Suddenly, a middleaged woman enterd the room.  
"Mother, I tried to get rid of the Ghoul but I really think we should owl the demon extintor."  
"Augusta, some kids are here to see you." said granny, which we can call her as we don't know her real name.  
Augusta turned to the boys by the mantelpiece.  
"Who are you and how can I help you?"  
"You're not sick at all!" said James shocked.  
"Should I be?"  
"Isn't Remus visiting you right now?" Sirius asked.  
"While he's at Hogwarts? He has no time for that! Where would you-" Augusta stopped as she came to her senses. "He must have meant some other aunt. But you really shouldn't be here, haven't you got homeworks?"  
"Yes we do. We really should go and make them right now!" said James.  
"Sorry we bothered you." said Sirius.  
And they disappeared into the fire.

Back in their dorm.  
"See, she lied too! His whole family is into it!" said Sirius.  
"But why?" said James.  
"Well, usually when people lie they really want to cover up some secret-"  
"I know that!" James snapped. "But what would the secret be?"

A couple of days later, Remus was back. It was tuseday afternoon when he entered the dorm and lied on his bed. James and Sirius where there too, eyeing him suspiciously.  
"What?" Remus asked.  
"How many aunts do you have?" James asked.  
"Three." Remus lied. Three was always a good number.  
"Which one did you visit?" Sirius joined in in the interrogation.  
"Monica." Remus lied again. "Why?"  
"We only found one aunt address in your little green book, Augusta from Glasgow."  
Remus glared at them and stood up "You've been sneeking though my stuff while I was away! Without my permission!"  
James and Sirius staggered backwards and fell on Peter's bed, not so tough anymore. Remus mad was not pretty.  
"We're sorry, we're sorry, we're sorry." they begged.  
"We were bored and wanted to visit you and your aunt so we looked for her address and went to Maryhill Road but it turned out you weren't there so we got a little suspicious, we're sorry!" said James, now hiding under the bed.  
Remus cooled off and sat back on his own bed. "Well, I was not visiting Augusta."  
"Don't hurt us, but we asked your mom for Augusta's address and she said that Augusta was asocial but she didn't seem like it when we met her." said Sirius carefully.  
"And we're not accusing your mom to be a liar or anything!" James added quickly. "But she said Augusta was dying, just like you did."  
"And now we are a bit suspicious." said Sirius.  
"I can't explain that." said Remus.  
"And just for the record, you can share any secret with us and we're not stupid." said James.  
Remus thought for himself. Then he got up to stroke the curtains by the window, as he gazed at the far distance.  
"You're right, I have been lying." he said.  
James, Sirius and Peter waited breathlessly for the coming confession.  
"I wanted to tell you the truth but...if you only knew."  
The others had no idea of what to say.  
"I'm sure it's not that bad." said Sirius.  
Remus trurned around theatrically and faced them.  
"If you want the thruth, then you shall get what you wish for, only to avoid further misunderstandings! I...have dragonpox!"  
James, Sirius and Peter gasped.  
"No!" Peter clapped his hand to his mouth.  
"That's right. I'm dying. Every month I visit ST Mungos and get a three-day-treatment which helps me live a little longer, but without it I would be dead."  
"That's horrible!" Sirius burst out.  
"Why didn't you just tell us?" said James.  
Remus gazed at the far distance again. Partly because it had a good dramatic effect, and partly because he didn't have a good poker face.  
"I don't know...maybe I was ashamed."  
Remus didn't like to lie but he was rather proud of his acting skills. The silence that followed made him relax but he wasn't that fond of the uncontrollable sobbing that replaced it.  
He turned around uncomfortably. "Are you...crying?"  
James lied flat on his stomach, Sirius sat next to him clutching a pillow and Peter had locked himself inside the bathroom, all three of them crying. Remus hadn't expected this.  
"Hey guys...it's not so bad." he tried. "I'm here and healthy, right?"  
James sat up, wiping his ever-running eyes. "You're so brave, Remus. If it was me...I probably would have gone to live in exile or something."  
"I hear that, mate." Sirius sobbed.  
"How...how long can you live with that treatment?" James asked hoarsely.  
"A normal life time, if I take regulary, so there's nothing to worry about! It's like not being sick at all!" Remus assured them and they smiled a little.

_(A/N:The first chapter turned out to be quite long, I think. Hope you like it.)_


	2. Didn't I Say I Had A Sister?

Fm fic, Chap 2: Visiting St Mungos

January was coming to an end, and it was fullmoon again. Today was an ordinary schoolday, but they figured that one day off couldn't hurt.  
"So this is what St Mungos look like?"  
James looked around and was sure that a room couldn't get cleaner than this.  
They went to the reception where a bitter woman sat and solved crosswords.  
"Hello?" said James.  
The woman grunted.  
"Exscuse me, but we want some help!"  
The woman looked up. "So do I! Reptile wear, 10 letters! Solv that one!"  
Sirius stepped forward and leaned on the counter. "Turtleneck."  
The reception lady looked down at her crosswords and filled in the word. "It fits! Yes! Now I can send this to Witch Weekly and win 15 Galleons!"  
"Now, will you help us in return?" said Sirius. "We're here to see a friend, who's sick in Dragonpox."  
"Second floor. Next!"  
They were pushed aside by someone who made flushing noices everytime he breathed out.  
"Would it kill her to show some gratitude? The crossword master doesn't serve just anyone." Sirius muttered.

They entered an elevator, elevated and stepped out of it when they had reached the second floor. They found themselves in a corridor with plenty of rooms.  
"How do we know which room he's in?" Peter asked.  
"By looking inside them." James replied and they started looking.  
"Eeew what disgusting boils!" said Sirius sickenly and pointed at the patient with the boils.  
"That's rude, Sirius! Really!" said James and closed the door Sirius held open.  
"Many patients have their heads covered in bandages. Maybe Remus is too." Peter suggested.  
"That would explain why we can't find him." said James.  
They searched through all the rooms again, calling his name.  
"Loony loopy Lupin, where are you?" Sirius sang.  
"I'm in here." a voice replied.  
Sirius, James and Peter rushed into the room and assumed that Remus was lying in the bed next to a small desk with books. As Peter had predicted, his head was covered in bandage.  
"Why do you have to wear that bandage?" James asked.  
"The rashes might spread if I don't. Who are you, anyway?"  
"You don't even recognise our voices?" said Sirius.  
"Should I?"  
"We're James!"  
"Sirius!"  
"Uh, and Peter."  
"Oh, I know you."  
"Of course you do!"  
Sirius, James and Peter didn't understand why Remus was acting so weird. It probably had something to do with his sickness or treatment.  
"So, what are you doing here?"  
"We came to see you, of course." James replied.  
"Why?"  
"Duh, I don't know, maybe 'cause we're mates?"  
"We are?"  
"Really, what are they treating you with?" Sirius asked impatiently.  
"Just this bandage, and there's some gross green beverage I must drink every morning too."  
"Why do you have books, if you can't see?" Peter asked.  
"They remove this bandage at nights."  
"So, all that keeps you alive then?" James asked.  
"Alive? Well, I did nearly die when I saw me like this in the mirror yesterday."  
"Yesterday?" Sirius asked, puzzled.  
"Yes."  
"But I thought you had been dying in dragonpox for years!"  
"Dying in dragonpox? You don't die of dragonpox, there's a remedy for it!"  
"Sure, but you must take it once a month, right?" said James.  
"Well, I don't really know, I've never had it."  
It had to be the treatment.  
"But...you said you did?" said Peter.  
"When? I'm here 'cause I bewitched my brother's book spurt wart-acid, but he outsmarted me and switched the cover so I thought it was mine and...well, here I am."  
Something was definetly wrong. Remus could not be outsmarted.  
"Hold on a second, are you really Remus?" James asked.  
"Remus? No, I'm his sister, Romy!"  
Dun dun dun. All three boys dropped their jaws out of surprise.  
"Remus has a sister?" Sirius asked.  
"You mean he hasn't mentioned me? What a jerk, I'm not that embarrasing."  
"Why did you say you were him if you're not?" James asked.  
"I didn't!"  
"Yes you did!"  
"Did not! One of you just shouted 'Loony loopy Lupin', I assumed it was me. Besides, Remus can't be here now because-"  
Romy didn't finish her sentence.  
"Becasue what?" said Sirius.  
"Because...he doesn't have dragonpox, or any other disease or abnormality. Except for being obnoxious and irritating."  
"He lied to us again." said James. "I can't believe it, he said he was dying in chickenpox!"  
"Damn, what _is _he hiding!" said Sirius.  
Romy chuckled.  
"What's so funny?" James asked.  
"Nothing."  
"Do you know what he's hiding from us! You must, you're his sister!"  
Romy sighed. "I know, yes, but I've promised not to tell anyone."  
"You must!"  
Romy thought. "Allright, I'll tell you." she said finally. "He's always so secretive, I would tell my friends if it was me."  
"Precisely!" said Sirius.  
"The truth is...Remus is an AFA member."  
"Anonymous Floo Addicts?"  
"That's right. And they have meeting once a month and tell eachother how long they have been without Floo Powder and stuff like that."  
"When did it start?" Peter asked.  
"3 years ago, I think. He thought it would make him look cool."  
"That doesn't sound like him." said James.  
"Well, the meetings has changed him, obviously! Ever since he gave up smoking he can't go a day without stuffing chocolate and reading! And that smartass attitude of his also proofs that he cares what other people things. He just has to be the smartest."  
Sirius and James nodded in agreement.  
"Tell me about it." said James.  
"Doesn't like it when we copy he's notes." said Sirius.  
"Or when we try to see what he's writing during exams."  
"My point exactly." said Romy.

A couple of days passed and Remus was back again, taking notes in Charm's class. James and Sirius tried to see what he was writing.  
"Why don't you take your own notes?" Remus asked.  
"Jeez, I'm so sorry!" said James and rolled his eyes.  
"Take it easy, we'll leave your precious notes alone, so don't go smoke anything!" said Sirius.  
Nonplussed, Remus returned to his notes.  
Charms class was over and they were dismissed by Flitwick.  
"Can I compare my notes to yours?" Peter asked Remus.  
"Oooo!" said James.  
"Oh no, cover your face!" Sirius fake-panicked.  
"What are you guys on!" Remus asked irritatedly.  
"Takes one to know one." said Sirius

Back in the dormitory. Comparing notes really meant copying.  
"Hey Peter." said James nonchalantly. "Can I borrow your notes later? I'd ask Remus but...well, you know."  
Remus tried to ignore them.  
"Uh, sure." said Peter. "I'm done now!"  
"I'll just wait 'til you're finished, James." said Sirius. "I could aske Remus if I can borrow his but...well, you know."  
"Ok, guys, you're obviously dying to tell me something so go ahead, what is it? What's this fuss about my notes?"  
"What makes you think that?" said James, barely looking up.  
Remus tried to stay calm. "Have I done something to offend you? If so, I'm really sorry."  
"Of course you haven't done anything. Except for lying that you're dying, in chickenpox which isn't even fatal and caused your sister to grow boils and not letting us know that you even _have _a sister and that you're a floo addict." said Sirius.  
Remus threw his notes to Sirius.  
"Didin't I mention I had a sister?"  
"No!"  
"Well, I do. And the boils were her own fault, her jinx was a little too strong but she's ok now."  
"But that's not really what's important here." said James.  
"And I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I'm a floo addict."  
"You said you were _dying!_ We cried our hearts out!"  
"I know, it was a stupid lie. But now you know the truth."  
"And why you're so smartassy." said Sirius.  
"Smartassy? That's not a word."  
"See? There's that smartassyness! How do you know it's no a word, have you read the entire dictionary?"  
"Ok, sure, fine, whatever-"  
"Don't give us that 'sure, fine, whatever' like you're letting us believe something which is so obviously wrong, that is so smartassy." said James.  
"Anyway, I would appreciate if you didn't visit me while I'm at the AFA meeting."

_(A/N:Chap 3 coming soon in anyone wonders. Then truth shall be revealed, mo haha.)_


	3. Maybe he's a werewolf

James and comapny were late to the first class in the morning as usual, which was herbology with professor Sprout.  
"Today we are going to grow Aconitum Vulparia, a herb which is more commonly known as..." she looked around at the student to see if someone raised a hand.  
Sirius nudged Remus. "You should know, you always get full marks in herbology."  
"Sorry, don't know the answer to this one." said Remus, shifting eyes.  
"No one?" said Sprout. "Have you never heard of Wolfsbane? Well, it's a herb that grows in the damp woods of the Alps and they say it can reverse shapeshifting. Now, grab a pot and start planting! Chop, chop!"  
Sprout clapped her hands together and everybody started to plant.  
"Reverse shapeshifting? Does that mean it cures werewolves and such?" said James.  
"There is no cure for lycantrophy." said Remus bitterly. "I think, not that I would know." he added quickly and laughed nevrvously.  
"Then what do they mean by 'reverse shapeshifting'?" Peter asked.  
Everyone waited for Remus to answer that, it was a habit. No one else ever had the answer to anything.  
"What? I don't know everything! Jeez, ask Sprout!"  
"Maybe you should try gum." said Sirius.  
"What?" Remus asked.  
"That usually helps when you're trying to quit smoking."  
"I'll keep that in mind."

After Herbology on Wednesdays, they always had defence against dark arts with professor...someone.  
"Nooo...anything but dark arts..." James groaned as they entered the classroom.  
"How can you say that, dada rules!" said Remus.  
They always sat at the back of the class, and today was no exception. The dada teacher entered and told the class to shut up.  
"Hi kids! Look up page 43 in your books." He said.  
"Last to page 43 is a slimy git!" said Sirius and he and James raised to page 43. James won.  
"Hm, werewolves."  
Remus froze.  
"What's wrong with you?" James asked.  
"I...need a smoke. Bad."  
"Yeah, werewolves really gives me the collywobbles." said Peter.  
"And you know what's creepier?" said Sirius mysteriously. "That anyone in here could be one, and we don't even know it. Why, it could even be...you!" said Sirius and randomly pointed at Lily who sat at the desk before them.  
"You want something, Black?" she said.  
"Just look how she's eating me with her eyes! Well you're not getting any so...go rip the limbs of a bunny or something!"  
Lily looked puzzled and decided to just ignore them.  
"Werewolves don't rip the limbs of a bunny!" said Remus defensively.  
"Sure they do." said Sirius. "When there are no juicy humans around, that is. I mean, they gotta eat, don't they?"  
"I've heard that people can go 30 days without food." said James.  
Sirius shook his head patronzingly. "Werewolves don't eat 'cause they're hungry, they eat because they are sadistic bloodthirsty fleshcraving murderous-"  
"Ok, we get it!" Remus cut off. "Could you please keep quiet so I can hear what professor Someone is saying?"  
"Now, I want you to read page 43 to 49 and write an essay on werewolves that I want next time we see eachother."  
"I don't get one thing, though." said Peter. "Werewolves can't kill humans, can they? 'Cause then there would be none of them."  
"Sirius, expert in werewolfology, will have to answer that." said James and held his microphone-fist to Sirius.  
"Well, Peter, I can answer that, 'cause I am after all expert in werewolfology. This is how it is." There was a pause when Sirius tried to come up with something to say. "Werewolves are really people that have been killed by werewolves. They are like Inferi or zombies."  
"Actually, werwolves are people that have been bitten and managed to escape, and a person killed by one becomes a vampire." Remus corrected.  
There was a long pause.  
"So I've read in this book!"  
"Exscuse me, I was under the impression that I was the expert." said Sirius. "How come you're so educated in this subject, are you a werewolf maybe?"  
"No!"  
There was a pause.  
"What makes you think that, could it be that you are the werewolf!" said Remus, saving the situation.  
Sirius fake-gasped. "Allright, it's true! Evans bit me!"  
"Evans is not a werewolf!" said James.  
"Yes she is and when you two are married you will have red furry long-sighted kids!"  
"We're not getting married! I don't like her!"  
"James and Evans sitting in a tree, k i s s i n g-" Sirius sang 'til he recieved a strong punch from James.  
Professor Someone came to see what was going on.  
"What's going on here?"  
The kids stopped arguing.  
"James started it."  
"Sirius started it!"  
"Take that after the class, now start reading from page 43!"  
Professor Someone left.  
Peter turned the page and cut his finger so it started bleeding. Mmm blood,  
"Owie."  
Remus got up and gathered his things.  
"Where you going?" James asked.  
"I can't make it without Floo anymore. I don't care what they say at the AFA meeting tonight. See you later."

It was around twelve o'clock when James, Sirius and Peter left the great hall after lunch and went outside to their usual spot under a tree close the giant lake. They had a long break because professor Kettleburn was sick. Anyway, reaching their destination, they found that Remus was already there.  
"I've tried Floo but it didn't affect me at all, unfortunately." said Sirius. "I hear nicotine is better."  
"Don't start smoking, it's bad for your health." said Remus.  
"Well, you should know."  
They observed some kids that seemed to be very interested in the Whomping Willow.  
"What are they up to?" James asked.  
"Grudgeon seems suicidal." Sirius replied. "Why doesn't he petrify it first?"  
"Where's the excitement in that? Really, have you walked into a brickwall, Sirius?" James asked.  
"Like I'm interested in being smashed into pieces, I wanna know why it's planted there."  
"Maybe they thought it would make a nice adornment." said Peter.  
Sirius shook his head. He liked to do that. It made him feel detectivious, athough that's not a word. "Why would they plant a whomping Willow here when they know that people's gonna want to come near it. There's definetly more to it."  
"I think they just wanna reduce the number of students." said James. "And if it is, like you say, hiding something, I'm sure just petrifying it will be too easy."  
"Hey Rem, is there anything in Hogwarts a History about that tree?" Sirius asked.  
"Nope. I think that tree is too new."  
"How new?"  
"I don't know. Maybe...2 years."  
"It's grown a lot in 2 years." James pointed out.  
"What a coincidence. 2 years, just as long as we've been here."  
"I've solved the mystery, Sirius! Dumbledore wants to get rid of us!"  
There was an unpleasant sound followed by a scream. Even Remus looked up from his book. Yes, he was reading, oh goodness gracious. Not anymore, though.  
"What happened?"  
"I think Grudgeon got hurt. Look, there's Pomfrey...and a bunch of teachers." said James.  
"It was bound to happen." said Sirius. "And the person who planted that must have seen it coming. I rest my case. Thank you, your honour. I find the defendant guilty. I object-"  
"Objection, your honour, I find Sirius annoying!" said James.  
"I want the truth!"  
"You can't handle the truth!"  
"I now pronounce you husband and wife!" said Peter.  
"I- what?" said James nonplussed.  
"Peter, we're in court, not in church!" Sirius explained.  
Peter shrugged. "I felt left out."

It was already dark and Remus had left to his "AFA meeting". The moon was full outside the window and James and co actually did their homeworks.  
"Look at the pwetty moon." said Peter.  
"There's nothing in this book that I don't already know." said James. "A werewolf is a person who transforms into a wolf under the influence of the moon. No shit, sherlock. This is why dada is stupid."  
"Hey, it's fullmoon now! Let's go werewolf hunting!" Sirius suggested happily.  
Peter wimpered.  
"Nah...quidditch practice was particulary rough today." said James.  
"How can it be rough, all you do is sit on a broom." said Sirius.  
"Hey! It's much more than sitting on a broom!"  
"As in your case, where you must hold on to it until there's a mattress under you-"  
"Because you cast a tickling charm on my broom so I couldn't...sit on it properly!"  
"You looked like you had ants in your ass." Sirius laughed.  
"The point is, I don't exactly see you exercising your butt off."  
"That's because I like my butt as it is, thank you."  
They wrote a little more on their essays.  
"Hey, look at the pwetty moon." said Sirius.  
"Hey, it is pretty! Too bad Remus isn't here to see it."  
"Maybe they have windows at the AFA meeting place."  
"Yeah. And if not, there will be a moon next month too." said James.  
"Yeah, unless he disappears mysteriously then too." said Peter.  
"But it's not mysterious anymore, we know where he's going." said Sirius. "Yup, nothing to worry about."  
"Everybody's normal. Except for his rabid pet bunny, whom I never met but assume is the 'cause of the tons of scars on Rem and chunks of fur on his clothes 'cause I can't honestly think of anyother explanation this lovely fullmoon evening. Oh, I forgot about the AFA meetings." said James.  
"I think it's the howling, it makes it harder to concentrate." said Sirius.  
James nodded. "He should put down that rabbit, I think it's sick."  
"And you know what else that's not weird and suspicious at all? That he's named after some kid who is said to have been raised by a wolf along with his twin brother."  
"And a flower." said Peter.  
"What?" sais James.  
"Lupine, isn't that a flower?"  
"Maybe it is. Hey...you know what unexpectedly crossed my mind?" James burst out. "Maybe he's a lycantrope!"  
"Why, James, that was totally uncalled for! But maybe...you're right!"

_(A/N: Don't you just hate when you upload a chapter and then some line is missing? Or maybe that just happens with my stupid moron idiot computor! Anyway, now that's taken care of. No one has commented it though so maybe no one noticed)_


	4. cheddar and full body searching

_(This fic is rated k or k+ i think, but some content in this chapter might be T, depends on how sensitive you are. I rated this K+ 'cause the marauders are twelve here so surely any twelve year old should be able to read this. Although, I'm 17 and don't really know how 12 year olds think. Well, I've warned you.)_

FM fic, Chap 4: Cheddar and full body search

James, Sirius and Peter were outside on the roof on top of their commonroom. Peter was chewing on a large cheddar.  
"Done. Complete with craters and everything." he said when he finished.  
"Perfect. Hey, wasn't it bigger?" James asked. Peter looked down at his feet.  
"Oh well, it will have to do." said Sirius and stuck a rope to the cheese. "We should go back to the dorm now, Jim. Petey know's what to do."  
"Aye aye, captain!" said Peter sincerely.

In the dorm, Remus was looking for a new book to read when James and Sirius enterd.  
"Hiya, Remy!" James greeted him happily. "What's up?"  
"Just looking for something readable." Remus replied.  
Sirius nudged James and whipered: "Stick to the script!"  
"Oh right." said James and looked down at his palm. "So, Remus. Have you looked outside the window in our dormitory today?" he read.  
"...no, maybe, I'm not sure. Why?"  
James pushed Sirius.  
"The sky is very beautiful today! You really should take a look at it." said Sirius, grinning widely.  
"Maybe later."  
James leaned closer to Sirius and muttered: "What do I say now, this wasn't in the script!"  
"Just improvise, for god's sake. As long as he looks out the window!"  
Sirius went to the window and pulled the drapes aside. He knocked on the window and the cheddar fell down.  
"Ahahaha." Sirius laughed nervously. "Where did the moon go?"  
The cheddar flew back up and stopped just outside their window.  
"There it is! Isn't it pwetty, Remy?"  
Remus frowned. "Why is cheddar hanging outside the window?"  
"It's not cheddar! It's the moon! Can't you see the craters?" James explained.  
"Looks like bite marks to me."  
"Well, you should know all about that..." Sirius muttered.  
"What was that?"  
"Nothing! Don't hurt me!"  
James approached Sirius. "He didn't transform, what do we do now?" he whispered.  
"We must convince him that it is the real fullmoon!"  
"Don't you just love the full moon out there?" James asked and pointed at the cheddar.  
"What are you guys really up to!" said Remus and went to the window and opened it.  
"Oh no, he's suspecting something!" Sirius panicked.  
"Guess he's smarter that we thought!" said James.  
"Something is holding the cheese back!" said Remus, tugging the cheddar. "Why-won't-it-come-loose!"  
"Please don't tug the moon." said James  
Too late, Peter couldn't hold it back and fell off the roof. Remus hoisted him back up and through the window.  
"What were you doing up there?"  
"Um...I, um er was just um..."

It was midnight and all of them were asleep except for Sirius, who had an idea and woke up James and Peter.  
"He must have a mark somewhere! A scar or something!"  
"Hey, you're right." said James.  
"But how are we gonna find out where?" Peter asked.  
"We just gonna have to look all over him, won't we? I mean, almost. Ahem."  
"Sirius, you perv." said James and threw a pillow at him.  
They squat down next to chocolate-dreaming Remus and tried to decide where to start looking.  
"I vote neck." said James.  
They could only see one side of the neck 'cause Remus was sleeping on the side.  
"How can we turn him without him noticing?" Sirius whispered.  
James unwrapped a chocolate frog, waved it under Remus' nose and laid it behind him so he'd turn around.  
"mmm choco froggy..." he mumbled and hugged the chocolate frog.  
"Brilliant!" said Peter.  
"Well, a monkey could have though of that." said James.  
"No scar there either." said Sirius. "Now where?"  
"Check the legs!" James suggested.  
"Do we dare remove the quilt?"  
"Just because you sleep nude doesn't it mean the rest of us do!" James snapped.  
"I don't sleep nude! Just shirtless! Just because you though your wand was in my bed for some reason!"  
"It's a memory I thought I had repressed until know, thanks alot." said James.  
He removed some quilt and checked under one pyjama leg. Then the other.  
"Nothing."  
"Maybe it's...higher up."  
"You're really enjoying this, aren't you?"  
"What? Just because your mind is unclean."  
"_My _mind is unclean?"  
"Your the one who's losing his wand in other people's beds, mind you." said Sirius.  
"Maybe you should keep your voices down..." Peter suggested.  
"That's right, pervert." said James. "Now, where to look?"  
"Try my fist." said Remus.  
Their heads turned and James recieved a heavy punch in his face.

Morning. They were getting dressed.  
"Did you have to punch me so hard, Remus? Now I'll get a blackeye!"  
"Did you have to examine my body in my sleep!"  
"It was Sirius' idea, hit him!"  
"It was not! Well, allright, it was." said Sirius.  
"What on earth where you looking for?" Remus asked. "Did you lose your wand again, James? 'Cause just waking me up would have been less awkward!"  
"Sorry." said James. "But it was Sirius' fault."  
Since it wouldn't be justice if Remus didn't punch Sirius and Peter too, he did.

_(A/N: Chapter 4 complete.)_


	5. 7 ways

Chapter 5: 7 ways to tell if your neighbour is a werewolf.

_(A/N: I did not come up with the 7 symptoms, I just found them on the net and thought they could be useful.)_

Seeing James, Sirius and Peter in the library was something that rarely happened, especially if they were there at their own will and not because Remus had dragged them there.  
Books layed everywhere on the table and the floor 'cause they were to lazy to put them back where they belonged.  
"Here's something!" Peter exclaimed. Sirius and James threw away the books they had been browsing through aimlessly to check out Peter's book. James' book hit a vase.  
"7 ways to tell if your neighbor is a werewolf." James read. "This could be very useful!"  
"_Does he smell like a mixture of stale hay and horse manure?_" Sirius read. "_Werewolves have extra glands that emit nasty smells._"  
"That would explain why he eats so much chocolate." said James thoughfully. "He tries to cover he's manure odour with chocolate breath."  
Sirius nodded. "You might be right. But we really should check, just in case."  
"And I felt lumps at the back of his neck!" said Peter.  
James poked at Peter's cervical vertebra.  
"You mean this?"  
Peter layed a hand at his neck. "I'm a werewolf!"  
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Anyway, we really have more imprtant things to do!"  
"Right." said James. "We must smell Remus!"

It wasn't hard to find Remus. He was very fond of his spot in the armchair by the openfire, this time reading a vampire novel by Anne Rice. As silent as possible, the trio sneeked up behind and tried to sniff him.  
"What are you doing!" Remus jumped out of the chair.  
"Nothing!" said James, trying to sound innocent.  
"Were you trying to smell me?" Remus asked suspiciously.  
"Nooo!" said Sirius, snorting at the mere though.  
"We? Smell you? Don't be silly!" James assured Remus.  
"Why would we wanna do that? You got some wild imagination there, Rem!" Sirius laughed.  
"_Agadoo-doo-doo push pineapple grind coffee_..." Peter sang to the divert Remus' attention from the sniffing scene.  
"_To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees_..." James and Sirius joined in and they danced away.  
"_Come and dance every night, sing with the hula melody_" and they disappeared from poor, confused Remus.

In Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. They didn't wanna be in the library, the most Remus attracting place at the whole school. And they didn't wanna be disturbed so this place was perfect.  
"What does the book say next?" Sirius asked.  
"_Does he have eyebrows that meet in the middle of his forehead?_" James read.  
"No. But then, he could shave." said Sirius.  
"_Werewolves' arms, legs, and bodies are extremely hairy, especially the backs of their hands and the tops of their feet." _James continued.  
Sirius looked disgusted. "Does it say anything about when the werewolf is in it's _human _form?"  
"If he was that hairy, we would have noticed." said Peter.  
"Then again, he probably has a yearconsumption of Gilette razor blades hidden under his mattress." said Sirius"  
"Fine, let's skip that one. _Does a neighbor's child seem unusually attracted to little girls by the age of 7 or 8? Werewolves reach sexual maturity at that age -- five years ahead of normal humans._" James read.  
"What does that mean?" Peter asked.  
"In other words, is he into little girls?" Sirius frowned. "Kowai, kowai!"  
"Let's just ask him. But we must be tactful." said James.  
Back in the commonroom. Remus was wearing a scarf, to avoid further sniff incidents. He was reading peacefully when James, Sirius and the ugliest little girl he had ever seen showed up before him.  
"Peter? Why are you wearing a dress and a wig?" he asked, puzzled.  
"This isn't Peter!" said James. "This is my little sister Dorothy."  
"You like?" Sirius asked hopefully.  
Remus was sure that he was just having a weird dream. "It's Peter, I can tell! In a dress and a goldylock wig for some reason."  
"I told you it was a bad idea." Peter muttered. James nudged him.  
"Shut up, Dorothy! Bad sister! Forgive her, Remus, for she's just 7 or 8."  
"And quite a catch for such a young age, if I may say so!" Sirius said. "Very cute in his lace-adorned pink dress and blond curls. Did I just say his? I meant her!"  
"I'm hallucinating this...I'm going to bed..." said Remus and got up.  
"Oh no, he's leaving!" said James.  
"Peter, do your thing!" Sirius mumbled to Peter.  
"Do I have to?"  
"Yes! Go"  
Sirius gave Peter a nudge in Remus' direction.  
Peter started headbanging awkwardly, ripped off his pink fluffy gown to reveal a red, glittery, tighter dress.  
"_Doctor doctor give me the news I've got a bad case of loving you no pill's gonna cure my ill I've got a bad case of looov-_"  
Slam. Remus had entered the dorm and closed the door behind him. Peter took off his wig.  
"This was pointless."  
"But it's his favourite song, it should have worked." said James.  
Sirius looked as he wasn't ready to give up yet.  
"There's still more in that book. What does it say next?"  
"Um... _Does he own large pets that often disappear and then are replaced by other large pets? Werewolves have enormous appetites and like to sink their fangs into large, fleshy animals. It would take 100 chickens a week, for example, to satisfy the average werewolf."  
_"He has that misbehaved rabbit..." Sirius thought. "Although, coming to think of it, I don't think I've ever seen it."  
"Because he ate it! And...got a new rabbit." said James.  
"100 chickens, how much is that in chocolatefrogs?" Peter asked.  
"He probably replaces the raw meat with chocolate, 'cause he's vegetarian." said Sirius.  
"He's vegetarian? Then he can't possibly be a werewlolf!" said James.  
"Well...maybe he isn't a vegetarian." said Sirius.  
"But you just said he was!"  
"Well I don't actually know if he is. He just seem like the vegetarian type."  
"Vegetarian type? How can a werewolf be the vegetarian type?"  
"How should I know? It could be a protest thing. He refuses to eat meat to boycott he's werewolf thing, what do I know?"  
"Nothing, obviously." James replied. "But how are we gonna test him if he likes fleshy animals?"  
Sirius gazed at the far distance. "There is a way. It will be dangerous, but a risk I'm willing to take."

James and Sirius played wizard's chess'til Remus came down again.Lily was walking down the stairs from the girl's dorm.  
"Hello, Evans!" Sirius greeted.  
"What do you want from me?" Lily asked.  
"Can't a friend just say hi to a friend? Hello, friend!"  
"I'm leaving now-"  
"No, you must come with me!" Sirius urged. "Remus wants to talk to you!"  
Lily brightened up immediately. "Really? He said that? Where is he now? Is my hair ok? Do you think he'll notice the spot on my shirt?"  
"Yes, yes, in the armchair by the fire, no, definetly." Sirius replied. "Now go! We don't wanna keep him waiting!"  
Lily burst into a fit of giggles and had to finish it before she could go to Remus.  
"Hi Remus!" she said, blushing.  
"Hi. How can I help you?"  
"Black told me you really wanted to talk to me!"

A few feet away.  
"So what's the plan, Sirius?" James asked.  
"Simply, if he'll sink his fangs in Evans, the large fleshy animal, he's a-"  
Angrily, James wrestle down Sirius on the floor.  
"She's not large and fleshy! Say it! Chubby, maybe..."  
"Make me!"  
James started to tickle Sirius.  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA STOP IT HAHAHAHA PLEASE HAHAHACAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE HAHAHA"  
"You know the magic words!" said James.  
"HAHAHA SHE'S NOT LARGE AND FLESHY HAHAHAHA"  
"Who isn't large and fleshy?" James asked, still tickling Sirius.  
"HAHAHA EVANS HAHAHAHAHIHIHAHAH"  
James stopped tickling Sirius.  
"Honsetly James, I don't see why you care so much. It's like you have a crush on her."  
"I don't have a crush on anyone!" James assured Sirius. "Pfft, girls, don't get 'em."

_(A/N: ok, this chap was short and not as great as I remembered. But it was fun writing. More symptom testings coming up soon, the next part will be better than this one so keep reading!)_


	6. Snape Is Dead!

FM Fic, Chap 6: Snape is dead!

Back in Myrtle's bathroom.  
"_I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the lavatory..._" Sirius sang while Peter clapped the tact.  
"Please quit singing bathroom themed songs." James pleaded.  
"Just one more. Ahem, _Lost my darling skip to my loo-_"  
Sirius head was hit by a heavy book and had to take a break from singing.  
"Owie!"  
James picked up the book again and looked up the page with the list.  
"_Does his skin slowly change color? It takes a few hours for a werewolf to change from human to animal form. The first sign is a gradual darkening of the skin._" he read.  
"Why _his _skin_?" _Peter asked. "Why not _her?"  
_"You know, that is an interesting question. All these symptoms only seem to pertain to males." said James.  
"So you're saying it doesn't apply to very girly boys?" Sirius joked.  
"You're lucky he's not here to kick your ass for that." said James.  
"Hey, nobody kicks my ass!"  
"I kicked your ass yesterday in werstling!"  
"Back to the matter..." said Sirius.  
"Right. I'm just saying, are there no girl werewolves?"  
Sirius shrugged. "How the hell should I know?"  
"I thought you were the expert in werewolfology!"  
"Not anymore! Now I'm the expert in...kickassology!"  
James snorted. Sirius slapped him. They went back to the book.  
"Right, does his skin change colour? Well, I've never noticed it." said James.  
"Of course you wouldn't! What sane werewolf would transform in front of others? Next point..."  
"Right, um..._Does he wander around graveyards, mortuaries or turn up at the scene of fatal accidents? Corpses are a ready source of nourishment for young werewolves."_

The trio were hiding behind a pillar, spying on a passing Snape.  
"He's chalk white and ugly, perfect in other words." said Sirius  
"I never thought Snape ever could be perfect. But as a corpse..." James grinned and did the thumbs up. Sirius aimed his wand at Snape.  
"Ava-"  
Peter poked Sirius.  
"What!"  
"You're...you're not _really _killing him, are you?"  
"Well, we wan't to convince people that he's really dead, don't we? No one will notice we did it so you don't have to worry about getting a cell in azkaban for murder."  
"You mean for a crime we didn't commit?" James asked.  
"Right. 'Cause that's just wrong. So will you let me kill him now?"  
Even James was skeptical at the idea.  
"We hate him...but we could get expelled if we kill him."  
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Ever since we started sneeking off without Rem, you've started to act like him!"  
"It's the damn glasses!" said James and took them off. "Oh no, I'm blind!"  
Sirius put the glasses back on James.  
"I guess all group of friends need a smartiepant, and with your nerdspeckies you come after Remus."  
"Anyway, we better get our job done before Snape decides to stop looking at that painting." said James. "Just petrify him."  
Again, Sirius aimed his wand at Snape and waved it. "_Petrificus Totalus_."  
It hit Snape and he fell down like a pine tree on his back. James and co rushed towards him.  
"How long will he be like that?" Peter asked.  
Sirius took out a black pen and drew facial hair on Snape.  
"Let me!" said James, snatching the pen from Sirius.  
"Draw eyelashes!" said Sirius and James did.  
"Maybe we should spread the rumour that his dead before he starts moving." Peter suggested.  
"Right. You're absolutely right. And we have drawed on his face before." said Sirius.  
"Allright, mates! Let's panic!" said James and they started to run around in all direction, shouting 'Snape won't breath.' and such. Many teachers and students gathered 'round, even Dumbledore.  
"Stand back!" he told the crowd.  
Just as the trio had expected, Remus showed up.  
"Hey, what's going on?" he asked.  
"Snape is d-dead." James fake-stuttered.  
Remus looked disbelieving at James, and then at Snape.  
Dumbledore said something, which resulted in sparkly stars coming out of his wand and Snape moved. The crowd gasped.  
"It was Black and Potter! They petrified me!" he yelled and pointed at where James and Sirius were standing. James and Sirius pretended to be surprised.  
"He's alive!" James shrieked.  
"Mazel tov!" Sirius cried and they hugged eachother.  
"Detention! Every Saturday at 6 o clock, for the rest of this semester." said McGonagall.  
Slowly, one by one did everyone dissappear.  
"You petrified him and let people think he was dead?" Remus asked. "Even you must admit that was pretty low."  
"We didn't petrify him! He was really dead! A dead, juicy, tasty corpse!" said Sirius.  
Again did Remus find himself in one of those states of confusion that always came from James or Sirius, or both.  
"Aha..."  
"Speaking of dead, juicy, tasty corpses, have you ever tried corpse?" James asked.  
Remus stared at James. "Yeah, I eat it everyday, I just can't get enough. Mm, just thinking about it makes me wanna visit the cemetery and eat some zombies." he replied sarcastically.  
"Aha, so you do hang out at graveyards!" said Sirius triumphantly.  
Remus shook his head and left.

In the commonroom. They couldn't stand Myrtle.  
"Ok, here's a gross one." said James. "_Is his blood bluish red and his urine a deep purple? If you can trust yourself to be alone with a suspected werewolf in the daytime, try to find out without being too obvious. Following him into a men's room might be a good idea, but be careful."  
_"Peter will follow." Sirius decided.  
"No way!"  
"When did you get so cocky?"  
"I mean...please don't make me do it, master."  
"That's better."  
"What are we gonna do?" said James. "The colour of his blood can be easily checked but...the other thing..."  
Up in the dormitory. Remus was...padabadaaam...reading! The sight was so unexpected James fell backwards.  
"Ok, we need something sharp." said Sirius. He fumbled in his coffert and found his precious knife. He sneeked over to Remus, who luckily had one hand free. He grabbed the hand and made a cut in his index finger.  
"OW! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!" Remus yelled, really startled. He had had to endure so much absurdness lately, and with fullmoon approaching and all, it was tough.  
"Um...ok...sorry!" said Sirius, terrified.  
Remus calmed down and healed his cut with a simple spell.  
"What did you do that for?" he asked.  
"It was a dare. James and I were playing truth or dare and he dare me to cut your index finger." Sirius lied. It was a good lie.  
"Oh, ok." said Remus. "Sorry I exploded like that, I just really don't like to be cut with sharp knives all of a sudden."  
"Who does?"  
James dragged Sirius away.  
"What colour?" he whispered.  
"Red." Sirius replied.  
James sighed. "The worst part left now."  
"Right."  
Sirius disappeared from the dorm and came back 15 minutes later.  
"Butterbeer, all around!" he said and handed a bottle to everyone. "Cheers to...Chudley Cannons on Saturday!"  
"Well said!" said James.  
They drank. Maybe 10 minutes passed.  
"Jeez, I could really use the bathroom now." said Sirius. "Don't you?"  
"Oh yeah." said James. "I definetly know what your talking about. Let's go to the bathroom together!"  
"Great idea, ol' sport! Coming, Remy?"  
"No thanks, go without me."  
Sirius leaned his head on the wall.  
"I have a better idea." said James. "You know that essay we're doing in DADA, the one on, uh, werewolves?"  
"Yeah?" said Remus.  
"I found some facts in a book, among other things it says that, uh, their urine is deep purple. But it's not in our school book so I wondered, should I write it in my essay? Is it true, do you think?"  
Sirius kissed the ground.  
"I wouldn't write that, no. That sounds ridiculous."  
"Ok, yeah, then I won't. Great. Just checking, haha."  
"Which book was it that said that?" Remus asked.  
James and Sirius exchanged looks. Sirius shook his head.  
"I forgot." said James. "Just...some unimportant library book."  
"So it's not that book you're holding right now?"  
James closed the book he was holding. "No. Not this one. Nope, this is my, um, prive diary."  
"Why did you name it _Dark magic creatures in Britain_?"  
James checked the title.  
"Well, duh! Because if I wrote 'James Potter's diary' on it, everybody would want to get a sneeky peek inside it!"  
Sirius snorted.  
"Especially Sirius!" James added.  
"Yeah, beacuse I could just read 'I love Lily Evans' over and over again, from the first page to the last."  
"I don't love Lily Evans!"  
"Yeah you do."  
"Do not! Shut up!"  
"I've read that diary, James. It says you do. I tried to keep my hands off it, but I just had to get a sneeky peek inside it!"  
James glared at Sirius.  
"You must have mistaked my diary for your own diary then, Sirius."  
"You mean my copy of _Herbs in Europe, A to Z?"  
_"That's the one."  
Sirius rolled his eyes. "What time is it?"  
"7 pm." Peter replied.  
"I'm going to the kitchens, you guys coming?"  
James dropped his "diary" on his bed. "Wait up!"  
"I wanna come too!" said Peter.  
"Coming, Remy?" James asked.  
"No...must finish this stupid essay." Remus replied, dipping his quill in his ink bottle.  
"Give it a break!" said Sirius.  
"Can't. Go without me."  
He scribbled down something on his parchment roll. James, Sirius and Peter left the dorm. Remus summoned the book on James' bed to him and browsed through it's pages and stopped in the middle, where the corner of the page was folded. His eyes narrowed.  
"_7 ways to tell if your neighbour is a werewolf..."_

_(A/N: Ooo! Next chap is the last!)_


	7. The Truth! GASP!

chap 7

Potions with Professor Slughorn. Lily had persuaded Remus to work with her. Which he didn't mind, 'cause Potions was he's worst subject.  
Meanwhile, Sirius seemed to be taking notes, although Slughorn wasn't even talking.  
"Are you taking notes?" James asked Sirius, who immediately burst out laughing.  
"Haha, good one. Beware or next class I might...pay attention!"  
"Then what are you writing?" Peter asked.  
"Well, seeing as that symptom list we found was useless, I'm making my own test."  
"Your own test? Has it occured to you that maybe he's just a floo powder addict!"  
"We'll see after this." Sirius waved a pice of parchment. James took it.  
" _Mission: Is RL a ww? 1, does he have the mark of the beast, _what's that?"  
"I saw this future movie in the future orb, Cursed, and all werewolves there had 5 dots in one of their palms, that would make a pentagram."  
"A muggle made movie? Surely, muggles are the ones who know the least about these things!"  
Sirius shrugged. James read more. "_2, does his wounds heal faster then usual?"  
_"I saw that in _Dog Soldiers." _said Sirius. "Go on."  
"Garlic and religious symbols are for vampires, Sirius."  
"It works on both! So we can use this list on Snivellus too."  
"_Silver, raw meat, Warren Zevon!_"  
"If you like Warren Zevon, you have to be a Werewolf! I mean, when he goes 'AHWOOO', I just wanna throw myself out a window."  
"_I saw werewolf with a chinese menue in his hand..._" Peter sang.  
"Where?" James asked.  
"It's...the song, that's how it goes."  
"Ok. Well, I'll go check for the mark then."

"Now do I put in the lizard tails?" Remus ask Lily, who giggled at everything he said for some reason.  
"No, silly! The spiderlegs go first! Didn't you know that bla bla bla..."  
"How's it going?" James asked.  
"Great. I don't have to do anything and still I'll get top marks." Remus replied.  
"Hey, give me your hand."  
"Why?"  
"I'm gonna predict your future! No, not that hand..." said James after checking the right hand. "Ok, great. Um...you're going to live long. Isn't that good news? Bye bye, later."

James went back to his table.  
"Any mark?" Sirius asked. Jame shook his head.  
"Well, there a spells that easily could hide it. Did you check the cut?"  
James nodded. "It could hardly be seen...but, didn't he heal it with his wand?"  
Sirius banged his head in the table. "Well, I can play tough too!"  
Afternoon in the commonroom.

"Hey, I wanted to impress this really cute girl." Sirius told Remus. "Do you think she will like this silver bracelet?"  
"Definetly." Remus replied. "Go get her."  
"Um, yeah...can you check it?"  
Remus looked up. "Check it for what?"  
"If it's real."  
"I don't know how to tell real silver from fake."  
"Ok. Do you wanna hold it? It would mean a lot to me. Give me one reason why you can't hold it?"  
"Allright, if it means that much to you!" said Remus, after noticing that he still wore his gloves from Hrbology. "There, are you happy?"  
"You were wearing gloves!"  
"So?"  
"So? It wasn't really you holding it. It was the skin of some poor dragon!"  
"Well, I guess there's no pleasing you! If you excuse me, I'm going to the library."

Outside the library, James, Sirius and Peter tried to come up with a new plan.  
"Let's see how he reacts when Peter sings 'Werewolf of London". said Sirius.  
Inside the library. Peter tapped Remus' shoulder.  
"What?"  
"_I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand, walking through the streets of Soho in the rain..._"  
"Can't you sing that agadoo song instead? I haven't been able to get it out of my head, it rocks!"  
"Uh, ok..."  
"No! You will sing Werewolves of London!" Sirius yelled.  
"Ok, this must end now! Everybody shut up!" James shouted down the others. "I mean, this whole thing is stupid."  
"What is stupid?" Sirius asked.  
"Come on, Sirius, he knows that we know!"  
"No he doesn't! We're gonna make him tell us!"  
"Don't you!" James asked Remus.  
"Know...what?"  
"What? Don't you think you've lied enough? Sick aunt, allright. Dragonpox was a little cruel but AFA member? Give me a break."  
"Well, I obviously won't have to say anything since you got it all figured out!" Remus snapped.  
"Are we right?"  
"...Maybe."  
James rolled his eyes. Sirius cheered.  
"Hah! I knew it! I told you all along, didn't I? But nooo, he's a member or AFA. But I showed you! Now, I have a song to sing. It's called the 'I told you so' song. By the way, where's the bite mark?"  
"Uh, shoulder. The right one."  
"Cool."  
"Ok...that was that mystery..." said James. "Now what?"  
"We still got Snape, the vampire."  
"Oh right."

_(A/N: The end. Thanks for all the kind reviews, I've never gotten so many before. How can I ever top this one?)_


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